Dancing With The Stars: Finale Results!!!

Posted By: Bridget On: November 26, 2008 Comments: ( 2 )

By: Bridget




This is it, in a couple of hours (ugh!) we will know who gets the mirror ball.  Shortly after that we will start guessing who will be on next season…sad but true and you all know it!

Samantha Harris has better hair then she did yesterday and her dress is slightly better.  It is unflattering though, it smashes her boobs.  My daughter says she looks like a man. Tom looks dapper.  Bruno looks like a waiter, that’s odd.  There is something weird going on with Lacey Schwimmer’s eyes, her make-up makes them look crossed.

Backstage Samantha stumbles through an interview.  Lucky for me my cable had some sound issues so I did not have to listen to her questions.  These interviews are completely pointless.

Oh goody, they are bringing Cloris Leachman back.  She stumbles around like a hobo at first, wearing her last costume and does some man on the street interviews.  She is wearing fuzzy slippers, that’s funny.   At the end of the interview she walked away and picked her wedge.  That’s comedy folks.

Alicia Keyes performs with non-DWTS dancers.  I don’t care about her in the least.  She seems to be wearing a body suit, it is gross.  I don’t know what all the fuss about her is, I guess because she plays piano or something.  Whatever.  Her back up dancers are super-skinny.  That’s unusual isn’t it?

We get some full season recapping.  I can sort of deal with this, since it is stuff we may have actually forgotten.  Like all those 4’s.  Lots of Misty May-Treanor, we all wonder what if?  Maybe if she had made it I would have had to sit through less of Cody Linley.

The first three cast offs perform their losing dances.  Jeffrey Ross and Edyta Sliwinska are first.  He has not improved much in the last nine weeks.  They are making them shuffle off to their audience seats after the dance, lam-o.

Ted McGinley and Inna Brayer are up with their loser dance next.  Ted does not look horrible, except for his creepy Ken-doll smile.

Ugh, Kim Kardashian and Mark Ballas are up next.  I need to go vomit.  And it is not from the booze.  There is nothing to like about her.  At the end of their “dance” they hug like they hate each other.  The probably do, I don’t blame Mark Ballas.

Another stroll down memory lane.  This will get old fast.  Misty May-Treanor and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are back.  She is standing on her own.  She said she is itching to get back on the dance floor, but not necessarily the volleyball court.  Yeah, right.  Maks says he hopes all of the finalists win.  Come on Maks, you are more outspoken than that!!  Misty and Maks goose Tom Bergeron, ha.

Rocco DiSpirito and Karina Smirnoff are back to dance again.  Snore.  Why are we forced to sit through all of these losers again?

Cloris Leachman and Corky Ballas are getting their own montage.  I love it.

Week five and six recap.  Samantha has swoopy bad hair.  You should buy lunch for the hair and wardrobe people Sam!!  Seriously, you owe them.  This was when Flatley sat in, uck.

Toni Braxton and Alec Mazo appear, but they are not dancing.  Allegedly she had some minor surgery-whatever.  She will be singing and dancing on the tour.  Wow, I’ll run right out and get my tickets for that one.

Cloris Leachman and Corky Ballas do their Tango.  This was one of their better dances, she got serious about it at this point.   Corky grabs Cloris’ behind and it makes me feel icky….  They try to interview her, Tom is the star of the show.  He leaves Samantha Harris alone for a minute, she is probably peeing in her gold lame gown.

Great, now Susan Lucci and Tony Dovolani are up with their Paso Doble.  Her costume is still ugly.  If someone would eat it just once this would all be worth it, seriously.  Remember that Skating With Celebrities show when the Different Strokes guy ate it?  We need something like that or I am going to go into a coma.

Maurice Greene and Cheryl Burke are going to do  their Salsa.  Yippee.

Team dance recap.  Now it is getting boring because this is all so fresh in my mind.

Jeffrey Ross is doing a roast of the show.  I love it and he hasn’t even started yet.  He says his weight loss was just his dignity.  He called Cloris “Weekend At Bernie’s The Musical”  that’s funny.  He said Warren Sapp had perfect boobs, HA.  He made gay jokes about Lance Bass and compared him to Clay Aiken.  Love it.  When he gets to Warren Sapp he calls him out of shape, saying he thought he was on steroids but realized he was just fat.  He ended by saying that compared to him they were all winners.  That was worth watching this whole season.

More recrap.  Then we see Cody Linley and Julianne Hough’s Jitterbug.  I loved this, please to enjoy.  Then more montage, this time with scripted judges commentary.  Blah, blah, blah.

Finally, we get to the meat of the show.  Scored dances.  Derek Hough smiles and looks scary, I think it is the lighting.  Or that he is scary.

Warren Sapp is up first.  They show he and Kym Johnson’s first meeting and subsequent relationship.  Lovely.  I think they would make a cute couple.  They are doing their Hustle.  It is good, but I’m not sure this was the best choice for the finale.  I wonder if it was chosen for them.  Ok, it is picking up now and maybe it is a good choice, it is a crowd pleaser.  They are showing Len’s suit for the first time.  It is pin striped and very bad.  The judges are going to be nothing but compliments tonight.  That’s exciting.  Three 9’s.  I bet they needed 10’s to beat Brooke and Derek.

Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer are next.  Same story, but between Lance and Lacey.  They are doing their Jitterbug, I remember loving this but not loving the costumes.  I think they flubbed one of the lifts a little bit.  How can the judges even score this stuff again?  Lance and Lacey are trying to smile, but they know they messed up.  Bruno loved it.  Carrie cackled.  She called them out on their lift issues.  I can’t get past Len’s suit…sorry.  Two 9’s and a 10 from Bruno.  Go Bruno!

Brooke Burke and Derek Hough are last.  It is sickening how sweet they are with each other.  Puke.  They are doing the Viennese Waltz.  I am not sure if I like this the first time or not.  I tend to think they need to do bang for the finale.  However, since it is only for the judges scores they can probably put up some big numbers with a slow dance.  Awww, she kisses her daughters.  Nothing like using the kids for ratings.  Oh man, Carrie is crying…blah.  Nothing but love, I am sure this is a perfect score.  They show Brooke Burke’s husband crying like a little girl.  Yep, perfect 30.  They just won the competition.

The first loser of the evening is Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer.  I’m sad.  I would have loved for them to win it.  They were the most improved, easily.  I think for sure this means that Brooke & Derek won.

So there is this Facebook thing that has a picture of Miley Cyrus and says, “every time she sings God kills a kitty.”  All I can say now is, MEOW, hiss, hiss…gag.  My daughter is in heaven, but I don’t care.  Miley is horrible.

Samantha forces the two remaining couples to compliment each other.  It is hard to watch.  Tom takes over and makes fun of the celebrities and then compliments them.  He skipped Cloris for Susan Lucci, she said nothing of any importance.  Maurice Greene almost removes his shirt…that would be gross.

OK, finally Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris will announce the winners.  And the champions are Brooke Burke and Derek Hough.  Yay, for them.  I would have liked to see Warren Sapp win it, but what do I know?  What do you think?

On to more important things…who will be on next season???